DAY FOURTEEN: Love The Mouth You’re With

Alas, the time has come, dear hearts. It is Valentine’s Day and I must bid you adieu … Over the last several weeks, I have allowed my creative udders to be milked with purposeful intent, all to remind you that a) in a world full of dysfunctional kissers, we must all go by way of doctors everywhere and “do no harm”—meaning, get onto to kissing well, dammit, and b) that it is our cosmic duty to kiss well and be on the receiving end of good kisses. That’s right, baby—it’s your birthright to be a kissing beast and, also, to … how do I put this: Love The Mouth You’re With.

Oh, possums, you must, at last, come to terms with a very important notion. If you are not enjoying the kissing you are experiencing, then you must reassess who the hell you have been receiving kisses from. (Like, for reals!) Or, for the adventurous souls out there who realize that we are all responsible for creating our own happiness, look within and ask: Am I actually kissing well? Self-exploration is the Mother of ALL Sexyness, but please don’t ponder it too long—meaning, don’t sit there and pick the emotional lint out of your navel far longer than you need to.

The reality is this: Either you are enjoying being kissed by your “amour”—or you are not. And if you are not, and there has been a lingering problem, ask yourself what you are doing with somebody with whom you do not feel truly satisfied. More importantly, ask yourself if you have communicated effectively to solve the kissing dilemma. It is 2013—we have no business not being satisfied with our lives. That said, if your attempts to spark change have failed, if the breath mints you’ve offered have been rejected, if your firm, but loving hand against the shoulder of a persistent Lizard Kisser—somebody that simply won’t relinquish his/her need to be reptilian—have failed you, the only logical word to flow past those otherwise delicious lips of yours is: NEXT!

Ponder all this as you move in and through V-Day. Thank you for all the flowers, cards, gifts and marriage proposals. (You know who you are!) I may return in May—it’s National Masturbation Month, after all and I would love to lend a hand.

Until then, I must conclude the 21 Kisses blog as you read this.

May your mouths and lips be happy and may your kisses be divine.

Keep your appetites for love whet, and your mouths just as moist.

Carry on …

XO

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DAY THIRTEEN: The Genitals

Let’s make one thing perfectly clear: I am not here to teach you how to perform oral sex. Although, judging by how many Dysfunctional Kissers there are in the world,  I could take on this cause with reckless abandon … for I do love spreading the joy where I can. I suppose—just this once—I can make an exception (ish) as we move toward the End of Days on this award-winning (ish) Kissing Blog. (Darlings, I love you, but I have more love and affection to spread elsewhere.)

Now, when it comes to kissing well on the body’s southern hemisphere, one must remember this: It has less to do with actual “kissing” than it does being a skilled oral athlete. And one’s tongue and mouth must be up for the challenge.

In other words: Oral Sex Is Not For Sissies.

(Oh, I do love that as a title of a book, and I have already copyrighted it, you hungry fools, but I digress …)

That said, I urge each and every one of you to locate where your teeth are. Now, darlings—please refrain from using them on your man’s shaft or in the internal mystery passage of your woman.

Settle down: I’m just getting started.

True, there are some who might enjoy a little nibbling. This is fine and I will allow it. Why, some gents are ok with this on their scrotum. But really—for the sabar-toothed wonders out there … I must ask you to sit this one out. Lizard Kissers: come on down. At last your day has come! Now, I know I haven’t been that appreciative of you in Northern regions of the body—the mouth. For we desire less of your insistent reptilian ways up there as we do, well, DOWN HERE. Whether you are performing cunnilingus or rimming your partner  …

(Dear Lord: Pipe down … I told you this was not for sissies! Well, for the latter, probably.)

Anyway … whether you are performing cunnilingus or rimming your partner , that lizard within you may actually arouse your amour. These are acquired tastes, dear, so go where each of your passions lead you. I must offer this bit of advice: there must be proper moisture of the mouth and  one’s mouth and tongue must be up for the challenge of working wonders here. In order to perform Grammy-winning Oral Sex (oh, how I recall the lovely soul who gave me that compliment), you must get in there and, well, have it! For fellatio, suction assists you and please, oral sexers, don’t be afraid to take it all in. For the fine folks who are stimulating their women, I would advise you to take your time and to please make sure that you have your partner’s interests in mind; that you aren’t just muff-diving to satisfy your own sexual hunger. Really guys—be less of a “dude” and more of a Don Juan. This isn’t baseball—this is about giving and receiving joy. I trust, since your ego means so much to you, that you are up for this unique challenge.

Let’s see, what else? Well, I am sure there is plenty more. Swallow? Not to swallow? Hmm. Up to you, but why not give it go, chaps—and by chaps, yes, I am suggesting that straight men pull the gay out their emotional asses and enjoy a little man-on-man action … (you know, if ya want to.)

Where was I? Sidetracked apparently.

This just in: What about kissing after oral sex …?

What a delicious question—one I shall have to answer  … next time …

XO

DAY TWELVE: Bad Breath

Everybody deserves to be on the receiving end of a good kiss. Even the Pope. Alas, with the recent news that Pope Benedict will be stepping down later this month, I wonder if there may be an opportunity for the beleaguered soul to veer even farther away from the tight cloaks of Catholicism and, well, get some good kissing in before his End Of Days. I’m good like that: I want the man to experience pleasure and I trust the Universe is fine with this. But I must caution him, and others, venturing back into the real world after along absence from amour: 25 percent of the human population (I’m sure that’s fairly accurate), suffers from Halitosis.

In other words: Bad Breath.

And for some, no amount of penance can alleviate the sins that their mouths are causing.

Oh dear, where to begin?

Well darlings, as we head ever so much closer to Valentine’s Day Weekend and the end of this blog (don’t fret, I shall resurrect myself in another form and spread sunshine up the asses of all who care to bend over emotionally and receive me), let’s start with you. Are you aware of what your breath is doing to the world around you? Wake up, smell yourself and imagine kissing that foul mouth of yours. It’s time you realize the effect you could be having on people. In most cases, about 85 to 90 percent of bad breath originates in the mouth. True, consuming various foods like garlic, onions and—oy!—meat tend to make matters worse. And who among us has not experienced the dreaded “Morning Breath?” But the reality is this: You are responsible for the breath you are exhaling. So, if you’ve Certs’d and Listerine’d yourself to high heaven—that was a nod to soon to be ex-Pope Benedict—and still find that your mouth is emitting the foulest of stenches, trust me: We are not all waiting for you to do a Whitney and exhale.

It may be time to see your dentist and inquire about something like gum disease.

On the flipside, what do you do if the man or woman you are dating has bad breath? I am so delighted that you asked. Four words: Don’t Be A Sissy.

Address the issue immediately. It’s 2013—you have no business skirting an issue for if you do, chances are your childish skirting will never leave you skirtless and primed for orgasmic pleasure—in life and, well, in your southern hemisphere, too. Grab the matter by the balls—either speak up as soon as you realize that there is a lingering problem or just tie a pretty bow around a bottle of Listerine, hand it to your partner, and say: “Use this or our relationship is awash, honey!”

For the timid out there, I suggest that after every meal, you offer breath mints that fire-breathing dragon you continue to date. This may prompt him or her to realize that something is a bit off. If things do not improve, you must speak up. Do not indulge in kissing a foul mouth if you know that it’s foul. Really! You’re not a codependent any longer. Grow up. You are meant to be a good kisser and, also, to be on the receiving end of good kissing. You must not settle for less. What good would it do you should your amore venture forth and decide to insert his or her infested, garbage-dump of a tongue into your otherwise lovely mouth?

A travesty.

Quite simply: This is Life or Breath.

DAY ELEVEN: The Ears

It’s Day Eleven, darlings. The story thus far: I have given you the nipples. (You are welcome.) I have served you the neck. (Think nothing of it.) I have even created time and space for the Lizard Kissers out there. Yes those Lizard Kissers … the ones with a very limited kissing repertoire who feverishly dart their tongues up and down and in and out of the wonderful crevices of your body, all the while believing we might be enjoying it 100 percent of the time. (The patience I have, I tell you!) Now, dear ones, the time has arrived where we must explore—wait for it!—the ears. True, many of you may get a rise out of this, but remember: The majority of people out there are dysfunctional kissers. They see an open crevice and either become like frightened Chihuahuas and run the other way, or, they are fascinatingly too heroic and slobber their “love” all over us. What’s a guy/gal to do? Sometimes, you just feel as if you were a provocative Goldilocks trapped in the Kissing Cabin of the Three Bears (I’ll expound on that Russian River event at another outing)—you can’t seem to find “the just right.”

And … where does that leave you?

Unsatisfied. And this is unacceptable. It’s 2013 and we have no business not enjoying 111 percent of our lives on all fronts.

We are all, at last, required to become stellar kissers, and, to be on the receiving end of wonderful kissing. That said, if you ever find yourself repeatedly experiencing something akin to Swimmer’s Ear, all the while wiping away your lover’s drool from, and out of, your ears, then, honey … it is time to tell that over-salivating beast to reel it in a bit or face a major bitchslapping. (Unless you enjoy being the Michael Phelps to his/her swimming pool of drool?) We don’t need our ears turbo-washed … we need them stimulated. The ears are one of the most delightful erogenous on the body and they should be treated with some  appreciation.

Take note: If you yourself desire to explore this geographic region with your tongue, less may more. It is fine to run your tongue along the various crevices of the entire ear. Don’t rush. Not yet. Allow the passion to build. You don’t want to shoot your emotionally wad too soon. And please lick with respect and fascination. Everybody’s ear is different and not every single human being may be stimulated by your advances here. To feel out the situation, I would take a cue from your “regular” kissing. Chances are if you both have moved onto the ears, then things may already be heating up. The Good Lord may have even made you moist down below and, my, this is a wonderful thing indeed. If so, carry on. My main suggestion: Nibble on the lobes a bit (and for God’s sake, don’t re-pierce their ears–unless, of course, you are those Bears in the Russian River, who, may actually get off on that.)

Where was I?

Oh yes, nibbling. The earlobes are mysterious little hanging mounds of flesh. Suck them, taste them, press your check against them as you come up for air, and then, darling, dive in for another round of nibbling. Breathe into the ear. (Yes, I said breathe— not create a tornado.) Things may become even more heated and, truly, this is a fine thing for as you both venture forth, together, you may create a remarkable sexual symphony in which you both can experience the natural crescendos and decrescendos of passion in its rawest forms.

Good for you. Have at those ears.

Carry on …

XO

 

DAY TEN: French Kissing

Well, at long last, we explore The French Kiss. Let’s begin by noting what The French Kiss is not, dear ones. It is not an opportunity for you to madly unleash your uncontrollable tongue into the unsuspecting mouths of otherwise happy, innocent people, and proceed to swish it around in there as if you—and it—were a Maytag washing machine lost on spin cycle. Really! Must we bitchslap you? Unless you’re a teenager with raging hormones, you should really pause and regroup and ask yourself what the hell you think you are doing.

My own experience in this arena has afforded me wonderful opportunities to learn from some of the best—and some of the worst. Why, I once had a lover with a very thick tongue who loved to run it over my teeth. He thought this was French Kissing. I suppose this was a turn-on for the man, but I prefer brushing and flossing on my own, thank you very much. Still, being ever so curious as to how to better perform as a lover and a mover and shaker in the World Of Kissing, I went along for ride. (I’m good that way.) Then … there was the soul who loved to suck on my tongue. Oh my—he almost ripped it out of my mouth. Fiery beast was he, but I allowed it because, really, everything for a writer is material. (Possum, if you are reading this: rest assured that I have, indeed, recovered and no longer lisp like Cindy Brady. Blessings and Namaste!)

Let’s see, what else? Well, there was a fine sexy container of a muscled man who was also hugely endowed—it’s ok, I accommodated just fine—who knew how to kiss so well—everywhere, up and down and inside and out—that it literally gave me goosebumps. These creatures are rare, but we should keep them around for a while—even if they lack typing skills, don’t do windows, or you find them to be as deep as a demitasse. Everyone is a lesson, sweetheart.

Onward …

Listen carefully: The French Kiss is when one, or preferably both, participants’ lovely tongues finally reach the other partner’s lips and/or tongue, and then enters the mouth. Yes, this was certainly meant to be divine, so please embrace these four words: DON’T SCREW IT UP!  Allow things to move slowly at first. After all, this is considered to be a passionate, intimate and wonderfully romantic kiss, and one that can easily morph into an erotic or sexual endeavor. You must realize, darling, that to kiss with the tongue means that you shall, in turn, stimulate your partner’s own tongue, lips and mouth. You’ll get a rise out of it, too, no doubt, so for the selfish cats out there—the majority of straight men—lucky you.

Because the mouth is one of the body’s premier erogenous zones, I must also remind you that the tongue is even more erogenous than the lips. The lips do play a big part, but really, they are the Hutch to the tongue’s Starsky. Or, for you embryos out there—the Bella to the tongue’s Edward.

And for God’s sake: Be moist but not an über salivating fool. The last thing we need to do is wear a bib when we’re kissing—or put a bib on you. What a turn off. (Or, for the truly demented animals out there, a turn on, but I digress.)

French kiss well, my lovelies. And remember: It’s 2013. You have no business being unsatisfied with your kissing experiences. If the person you are kissing cannot be taught to, well, refine his/her skills, your answer may very well be: “Next!”

Just don’t find yourself on the receiving end of that statement.

XO

 

 

DAY NINE: Kissing in the Post-Apocalyptic World That Never Went Apocalyptic

For some of us, the world not coming to an end was such a drag. All that build up and then—nothing. How horribly rude—like stepping into a screening of Les Miserablés actually believing it was going to rise to the occasion. Yes, for some, the world not disappearing into a cloud of dysfunctional smoke was the worst, perverse-reverse premature ejaculation—ever.

Imagine, then, what your partner might feel if he/she were on the receiving end of one your kisses that failed to live up to its promises?

Darling, this isn’t a slam against you. It is merely a friendly bitch-slap/reminder that it is your cosmic duty to kiss well and experience the finest kisses the Universe has to offer you. The Mayans didn’t get it all wrong for you to miss your opportunity to kiss well. Dammit—keep up with the times!

You are delicious and—integrate this, will you!—you should be savored.

Today’s kissing tip travels just south of the mouth and onto … the neck.

Foolish beast: Have you forgotten that this is one of the best erogenous zones on the entire human body? Next to the ears or your loins, it’s just heaven! Some sad news first: gay men typically have their nipples wired to their libido and therefore tend to overlook performing on the region of the neck completely. (To my gay brothers out there I have this to say: Stop it. Let go of your insistent need to constantly feel pleasured and explore other areas of the body. This isn’t all about your erection. We’ll get to kissing that as we move closer to V-Day.)

For the rest of us, the neck is a fruitful Garden of Eden. I mean—look at it. No, really: glimpse yourself in the computer screen you are gazing into now. Turn your head side to side and marvel at that sinewy sexy achievement. If you’re still not convinced, gently run your hand along your neck. Feel yourself for God’s sake. Wake up: you are a creature that deserves to be pleased and satisfied.

Imagine then, what a perfect series of kisses can do to that neck of yours? Practicing on another human spawns good karma points—your turn will come in time. For now, just practice. So … place your lips onto your amore’s neck. Begin a trail of slightly moist kisses—don’t be a puppy dog—beginning from just underneath the earlobe. Hold your lover’s shoulder with one hand and continue to make your journey south, traveling toward the adam’s apple. Avoid pecking like a made fowl from The Birds. (Good lord, who trained you?) Consider opening your mouth more and keeping your lips puckered like an anal retentive fool, less. Allow your tongue to play along. I see nothing wrong with tracing a line along the neck with your tongue, but darlings, don’t feverishly lick your amore’s neck is if it were a rare postage stamp. You must find a passionate balance—something that finds your lips and mouth acting/looking like a happy fish and, say, Edward from Twilight. Keep yourself—and your amoré—enthused here for a while and, if the mood strikes, crank it up a notch and unleash even more passion. Mouthing is OK. A nibble here and there? Sure.

… forgive me, dear, I lost track of where we were …

Oh yes—on the neck. Find a pattern of kissing/mouthing that is unique unto you. Kissing the neck is like performance art—paint that canvas with your mouth just the right way and your lover will swoon.

Bottom line: Never leave a delicious neck unattended. It’s your cosmic duty to include it in your kissing regime.

Onward …

Happy Kissing, darlings.

And please—don’t be afraid to stick your neck out.

XO

DAY EIGHT: If There Is A Secret to Being Loved …

In her book, “Advice to a Young Wife From an Old Mistress,” Michael Drury writes ” … if there is a secret to being loved, it lies in not having to have it.” Think about that for a moment: when it comes to love—and kissing—nobody enjoys an eager little puppy dog for long. The reality is this: we must grab a hold of our love life by the balls and take charge. 

Simply put: We have no business wasting too much time feeling insecure and unlovable. It’s unbecoming, dear, and should you find yourself in an extended period of self-loathing, either bitchslap yourself free of your self-absorb navel-picking or kindly ask a dear friend to do it for you.

 

Too harsh? Oh, bobala, come to mamma and listen closely: You are not a wimp. There is nothing wrong with you—there never was. Now, kindly get your ass off of my lap and get back to the business of loving and appreciating yourself with aplomb. All of this leads to …

The Confident Kiss.

Tap into your own vibrant juju. Stand tall in your own power. Seize the moment. Avoid the lizard kiss or, perhaps worse, the open mouth kiss where you do not even use your tongue—not even a little. This is just plain rude. Really dear—who taught you to do this?

I forgot—nobody that memorable, apparently.

But I digress. Kissing confidently is your birthright. Conversely, you should also be kissed well and feel delightfully satisfied. Anything less is downright sinful. Do know this: to kiss confidently, one does not always have to feel 100 percent confident. In other words, “Act as if” … and you will eventually get there, becoming the Emperor and/or Empress of the mouth. 

Carry on …

And for God’s sake, have some fun, darlings. This isn’t rocket science. 

It’s Kissing Science. 

Happy Kissing …

XO

DAY SEVEN: Nipples and Kissing

Don’t be frightened, darlings. It’s just nipples. We all have them and as we venture forth (heading ever so much closer toward Valentine’s Day) in our quest to become better kissers, I must implore you to consider that there are other areas on the body to kiss other than the mouth.

This may seem to be a no-brainer for most of us, but for the befuddled and repressed out there, please listen closely so that the next time you encounter a nipple—I promise you it CAN happen—you will be able to feel like a savvy pro instead of an infant reluctant to ween itself off of the mother lode. In other words: there’s a difference between being excited and being eager. The eager will slobber like an uncontrollable puppy. Unexceptable.

The nipples are sensitive territory. Tread carefully but make your presence known. Be respectful yet don’t be a wimp. To become the commanding confident general on this turf, I suggest feeling some things out first. After all, size matters, and you must assess the size of the nipples you are about to please—yes, some of this is about pleasing you, but let’s remember something important, dear: This is not ALL about you. To be a good kisser—and lover—you must relinquish your need to be constantly be satisfied.

(Good lord: will your addiction to yourself ever fade?)

Haven’t you heard? Giving is the new Receiving.

Once you have felt out your turf, pucker and kiss at will here for most men and women seem to dig some mouth and tongue action on and around the nipples. But I must insist on something: Avoid diving into the area with the dreaded Dry Mouth. Moisten yourself for crissakes! It’s not as if you’re Jessica Chastain (over-rated as she is!)  frolicking around in the desert in Zero Dark Thirty!

You are more than that. You are a sensuous beast. Begin by running your tongue over your lover’s nipple. Toy with the other one with your free hand—all the gay men do it, so why not you, too? (And yes, I’m talking to you, you heterosexual men and women out there.) Pucker and smooch away. Nibble at will but for God’s sake, don’t munch on this glorious area as if you just stuffed a handful of chips into your mouth. Rude. (And ouch!) Please do not make your lover feel that you’ve just put a clothes pin over their nipple. (Although some of you frothy cats get off on that.)

Again, we can take a cue from our gay brothers and sisters who tend to outperform the masses in this arena. Passion is a must. Unleash it. Use your paws and/or fingers on the breast, squeezing it ever so, so that the nipple protrudes farther out there for your tongue. Feel free to pinch the nipple at times—for some, this can break the sexual damn down below and, well, that’s never a bad thing. The key is to find the frisky balance of being a skilled romancer and playful creature along the northern hemisphere of one’s body. Don’t be too preoccupied with repeating patterns of kissing—as in; nibble, smooch, suck, lick and repeat. It’s best to allow instinct to take over, but for the uninspired and uneducated, perhaps today’s tips proved fruitful.

I must now reveal a sad statistic: Straight women—sorry darlings!—seem to lack the panache to satisfy their men here—really, boobs is boobs, bitches; get on it.  And to all the lizard-like kissers out there … here is a bit of good news—this may be the ideal place to dart your ridiculously dart-happy tongue. You can flick away to your heart’s content. There’s only one other area I can allow that to happen on the body—and its not in the mouth—but we’ll have to wait to hear about that at another time.

Let’s see, have I left anything out?

Hopefully my nipples.

Enjoy. (And don’t you dare let me down!)

XO

DAY SIX: You Are Not A Lizard!

As we lead up to the year’s most lavish Kissing Day—Valentine’s Day—it’s becoming ever more vital to embrace the art of kissing well. It is your cosmic duty to kiss greatly and wonderfully—always, this must be in the forefront of your mind and in the memory banks of your mouth and tongue.

Which brings us to today’s topic: You are not a lizard.

That said, please avoid feverishly darting your tongue like a hyper reptile gone mad for this can be a real turn off. Stop it. Who taught you how to do this? Snap out of it—for the sake of humanity. Save the tongue darting for something in the body’s Southern Hemisphere, although don’t go mad there either, darling. Really—what are thinking?

Remember this: the mouth, lips, tongue et al are lovely creatures. Use them wisely. Approach your partner’s mouth with a sense of excitement. Lips should meet at a glorious cosmic intersection. Proceed gently and don’t think you know it all. You know enough, but let fate guide you. Allow your lips and their lips to find their own rhythm. From there, four out of five “YEAR OF MAKING OUT DANGEROUSLY” people surveyed recommend that the more heated things become, the more luscious your kissing should be. And … it’s best to avoid acting like a feverish little puppy. (This could backfire because in the end, all Golden Retrievers are whores for love and affection and your slobbering, fiery puppy kisses only make you seem desperate for something you cannot attain.)

Remember: as we venture forth toward truly THE LUSCIOUS KISS, you must first, become LUSCIOUS yourself. Today, find some time to practice this—dig deep (or maybe you don’t have to) and embody the luscious, sexy beast that you are destined to be.

Happy kissing.

More soon,

XO

 

DAY FIVE: The Top Seven Celebrity Kissers

RYAN GOSLING: lip-smacker

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE: Sexy kisser!

ELLEN DEGENERES: Inner joy!

DREW BARRYMORE: Passion from the depths.

RICKY MARTIN: Latin lover!

EMMA STONE: Charmed, we’re sure.

ZACHARY QUINTO: Those lips! The best!

 

Darlings, listen up: We’ve been at this for nearly five days. In our quest to become better kissers—it is our cosmic duty, after all—during this Valentines Season, we must, at times, also seek more, well, celebrated council. True, I am “the bomb” when it comes to this subject, but in 2013, there seems to be nothing wrong with pandering to the use of celebrity icons to boost one’s hopes. That said, I give you a much-needed pause in our Kissing regime and present to you today—God, forgive me for this!—the 7 Best Celebrity Kissers. (You’re welcome.) Carry on … XO

7. Ryan Gosling: The A-list actor, whom we will all forgive for taking on the insipid Mobster Squad, has been a true charmer on screen over the last several years. But it wasn’t until the man appeared in the delightful Crazy Stupid Love, opposite Emma Stone, that we really got to see the depths of his passion (not to mention the savvy of his loins—at least on screen). Gosling’s got the looks—and the mouth. He ranks high on the list.

6. Justin Timberlake: I overheard today that if one is a good dancer, then, well, it stands to reason they can also be a stellar kisser. Darlings, so true it is. JT has all that and controlled saliva to boot. Like his hips, his lips are able to perform wonders on the dance floor of your pie hole. (Oh, and look for the man to appear at the upcoming Grammy Awards—his first appearance in four years.)

5. Ellen Degeneres: Look at her. Oh, dear Ellen, you emit so much joy. The Emmy-winning talk show darling is happy. Happiness equates to good loving. And good loving means that good kissing is involved. Portia darling, we are immensely happy for you dear! Kiss on …

4. Drew Barrymore: Hear me out, darlings. The woman has been to hell and back—then back to hell, and then deeper into hell, and then back again. Anybody that has to face their demons—head on (or head alongside an empty bottle of scotch!)—has acquired a depth unlike any other. Besides, dear, Drew was the star of Never Been Kissed, and this gives her brownie points as far as I am concerned. Beyond that: her captured smootches with hubby Will Kopelman reveal all. Passion + just the right amount of open mouth = a delicious kiss. (Added bonus: the duo just announced they are raising their daughter in the Jewish faith.) Drew. She’s such a mensch.

 3. Ricky Martin: Must I go into the specifics, darlings? The Grammy-winning Latino crooner is well, the embodiment of sexy. Beyond that, gay men tend to be the best kissers around. (Oh, all you Hets, relax; we still love you.) But Ricky, well, he boasts a rare mix of grace and sultry passion. And his lips seem “all-knowing.” Methinks he can travel the kissing roadmap with aplomb—from those simple kisses to more provocative and seductive! She Bangs? Please. He bangs.

2. Emma Stone: The girl can hold her own opposite the likes of Ryan Gosling—and we like that! But Stone has a distinctly original inner glow. And, darlings, that can only mean one thing: This chick knows how to smooch!

1. Zachary Quinto: Gay men do tend to be the best kissers. But this has nothing to do with Quinto’s sexual preference. Those lips! That mouth. Those eyes. Darlings, if cannot see that is luscious, sexy beast is capable of offering the finest of kisses—across the colorful rainbow of all kisses—then, surely, you need to be beamed off the kissing radar. Bless you, ZQ, for being so delightfully, well, YOU!